Written By: Lowell Cunningham (comic) / Robert Gordon, Barry Fanaro (screenplay)
Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Rip Torn, Lara Flynn Boyle, Tony Shalhoub
Rated: PG-13 (Sci-Fi Action Violence)
Running Time: 94 Min.
I've just returned from a theatre playing Men in Black II with, and I know this may sound strange, the distinct feeling of having been neuralized. It's as though a dark suited guy came up as I was leaving, pointed one of those flashy things at me, then said, "You have just been entertained by Men in Black II. You will have fond memories of it's completely fictional characters and situations and will see Men in Black III when it comes out. Thank-you for your nine dollars."
Now, I know I saw this movie, but the details are difficult to recall. I remember Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. Smith kept making humorous observations about aliens, and Jones would either not get the jokes or not think they were funny enough to respond to. Together, they worked for a secret agency that oversees Earth's extra-terrestrial population. There seemed to be a lot of aliens to oversee, mostly of the insect or worm variety. One non-worm alien would get his head blown off, just to have it grow back again. (very worm-like if you ask me!) And I also remember a talking dog, but then I may just still be thinking of Scooby Doo. As I said before, the details are a bit sketchy. Hmm, let's see... Smith and Jones were trying to do something... oh, yeah. They were attempting to save the world from total destruction, by finding some trinket before the bad aliens could use it to gain power and do other nasty things to the universe. There's also a nifty countdown until that happens. Wait a minute... these don't seem like memories of a sequel to Men in Black, they're more like memories of the first Men in Black movie! Damn. I knew something weird was going on here.
Could it be, that as inconceivable as it may appear, Men in Black and Men in Black II are essentially the same movie?! No, Hollywood would never do such a thing! They wouldn't just pander to what we liked about the first film, without also giving us something new and interesting to see, would they? Well, would they?! My God! You know, they just might! The theories are true! A conspiracy by shadowy figures in the U.S. Government really does exist! It's all becoming clear now. They seek to use movie sequels, well known as the opiate of the masses, to destract attention from-
* f l a s h *
I was entertained by Men in Black II, and will see Men in Black III when it comes out.